The Green Bangalore Plan

I wrote this article and sent it to unreal times, but then i spoke to an editor there and figured it would take a while before this post might make it to the page! Given the mayor of Bangalore has promised to close up the potholes after the monsoon, I decided i’d put the post here. This post is purely for poor humor purposes and its mostly nonsense

        Recent rains and inclement weather have rendered Bangalore’s roads untenable, most of the roads have been washed away and the growing traffic is just adding to the mess. When Karnataka Chief Minister Mr Siddaramiah was asked how he was going to react in the current situation, he seemed shocked that we even questioned and complained about the bad state of the roads. This response in turn shocked all the journalists at the venue and the Chief Minister stormed out of the room in disgust.
         In an exclusive interview to Unreal Times post his fury exit from the press meet, Mr Siddaramiah seemed a cool different man, he agreed to explain his behavior and wanted to apologize for his bhavior in front of the “Dumb” news crew. When asked to explain himself, he said that The bangalore roads are in a situation which was planned 4 years ago even before he became Chief Minister. He said,  “We are actually happy on how fast we have met the goal, we expected the roads to be in this condition in 2017 only, but I guess things have been good and we are way ahead of schedule.” This was an initiative to make Bangalore green he said, the pot holes on the roads were left to grow on purpose, they can now plant trees or small colorful plants based on the size and shape of the pothole. When asked what his agenda was for the “Stock Check” he was intending to make later today he said, it was basically to count the number of plants to import from France and Germany. He added that the plant imports were necessary to give a variation from the plants we find in India. Smaller pot holes would get Boganvilla, Jasmine and other flowering plants and trees, while the large holes would get a Banyan Tree sapling or a Neem tree to increase the fresh air flow when people are stuck in traffic jams. He adds that trees are the need for the hour and he wishes to give back to Bangaloreans what they once had, peace, calm and greenery!
       He went on to say that he has also made plans for making few more potholes in the road side so that they can fill up with water and everytime a motorist goes in it, the water would splash and water the nearby potholes with plants. This he says is his own genius at work and it would remove the need for water tankers to go around the city watering the plants. He feels that he needs to keep doing different things like this to remain the most favorite eleced leader of all time in Karnataka.
      Mr Siddaramiah is attending the global ecological changes summit in Davengere next week and has confirmed that the next regions in Karnataka to undergo what he calls the “Hole and Tree” concept of rejuvenating cities in the state would be Mysore, Mangalore and Whitefiled. His agenda would be to educate the rest of the country and eventually the world to adopt this technique at the convention. Major B-Schools of India including IIM-B and IIM-A have now added “Hole and Tree” as a management expertise and are offering PGD in this field. Not everyone is happy though, following the announcement by IIM-B the Dean of the school Mr Pankaj Chandra has stepped down.
      Cities like Mumbai and Delhi are planning to try this technique in a controlled locality to see how it works out for them. This might be the last yet most powerful move by Congress to continue their regime in India. Only time would say how “Green” thier prospect is in this country.

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